✞33 Days since my Last Confession✞

[13th_crusader]

[†]Ecclesiastes 11:9

You, O Lord, reign forever; your throne endures from generation to generation. Why do you always forget us? Why do you forsake us so long? Restore us to yourself, O Lord, that we may return; renew our days as of old. Unless you have utterly rejected us and are angry with us beyond measure.[†]


'Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.'

[☨]In the comfort of his four-post fortress, his respite and single place of solace, Maxwell curled in his pristine white sheets and dozed as the afternoon light spilled in and gleaned off his thick lashes.

There was a whiny mewl as he rejected the sun, turning over and crushing the communicator with a downy pillow. The week prior had brought him nothing but emotional trauma the likes to rock his granite foundations and leave him rubble on the floor.

Sleep. It was all he wanted. If he could sleep forever without the prospect of Purgatory, Heaven, or Hell, meeting him as his eyes shut, perhaps then he could finally find his true repose.[☨]

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[13th-crusader.livejournal.com]

[And there were the words that assured him that his touch of empathy was true. Three simple words he had deafened himself to; refused to allow himself to hear them, refused to believe they had been said in any context that pertained to him. How could anyone love the demon that was he?

Sea-misted eyes flitted up through thick dampened lashes, reflecting in his shepherd's ever kind gaze.

'Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times?'

'I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven!'

Maxwell was sure this much has been the seventy-seven-thousandth time... that Anderson had shown him forgiveness... And so easily, he would do it again and again. No more perfect and devout man was on this earth or upon any other. And how lucky he was to have him say those three tantamountal words.

I love you. Lord... if only my mouth knew how to return those words...

Teach me?]

Allow me.. Teacher.. to chasten my transgressions against you... Even if it takes me for the eternity we are in Purgatory together.

[And so his touch graced his shepherd's cheek, smoothing over thick stubble and a well weathered scar... before his lips, yearning to me taught, brushed a paramour's kiss across Judas's mouth.]

[sanctus-cineris.livejournal.com]

[To yearn...To pine...For years. Decades. He had wanted to hear some semblance of that acceptance, that mutuality in affection. But even as a man of God, even as the Right Hand of Judgment he had known that there'd been little hope for that dream, that it might as well have been foolishness on his part.

Yet he would've never stopped trying if it hadn't been for Maxwell's insatiable ambitions.

Yet all that...It hardly mattered. It...Nothing compared to this..This moment.]

M-maxwell...O'....A-ah joos'....C-ca—

[A hush as that pernicious mouth engulfed his own in a lover's embrace, his arms clutching so tightly around him he feared he might've crushed his near-skeletal frame if he'd been too vigorous.]